Mornings

I feel like an adult now that I actually like the mornings. I can't sleep past 7:30a.m. My body just wakes up. Curt and I went away for a couple of days, and this morning I was anxiously awaiting his waking up so we could have coffee/juice and eat breakfast and talk. I guess I like mornings because it feels like a do over each day. In the morning there hasn't been enough time for me to say something stupid, or lose my temper, or just make a bad choice. Each morning is new and refreshing.

I mentioned in an earlier post that I've been struggling with new awareness of so many needs in this world and feelings that I just can't sit by and live a comfortable life and ignore those needs. Last Saturday, I tried to explain to Curt how I'd been feeling and to be honest it didn't go well. We just were not on the same page. He thought I was saying things I wasn't intending and it just became a chaotic "conversation". Just being honest. However, the next day we had a really good conversation and Curt told me that he was glad God was showing me these things, and that he felt like we needed to look for more opportunities to serve and be the hands and feet of Jesus here where we live. To sum it up he said something to the effect that why would God send us to Africa to share and help people if we're not actively daily sharing and helping people here. Good point. God still might send us far away one day, but for now we're in Mississippi.

So, I'm reading The Hole in our Gospel. It's so interesting. The last chapter was all about the story of the Good Samaritan, and who is our neighbor? Is it just the people we see each day, or was Jesus talking about all people all around the world who have needs? So, yesterday during our get away, we decide to go to a movie. We had to be there at 3:45 and at 3:30 we pull up to the intersection to get over to our street and there stands a man. He was dirty and hot and he was holding a sign that said "Just Hungry." Let me just say, this is one area that Curt and I have never struggled with. If someone has a need and we can help...we love to do it. First of all, because I think what if that were us? What if this were my child? If we were ever in a situation like that I pray someone would help us. But, we needed to get to our movie. 'Cause you know that's really important(noted sarcasm). So, we have this moment of ok, do we go get him some food, it's kind of a one-way street, so we'd have to go all the way around to get back to him, or what do we do. So, we just decided to say, "Hey Man, you want to get in our van and go get something to eat?" Safe? Probably not, but Jesus isn't really a safe person. So, we take Donald to Wendy's, buy him lunch. He tells us about his journey. He was trying to get to a friend's house in Lafayette from Florida. He'd been beaten and robbed----just like the man in the story of the good samaritan. He had two black eyes and a broken nose. We talked for a while and then left him in the air conditioned restaurant, hopefully to score some free refills after he finished his drink. We went on to our movie. During the movie, I had mixed emotions. In the story of the good samaritan the man who helped the injured man put him up for the night. So, I thought if Donald is still there when we get out, I wanted to see if he could stay in our B&B that night and we could just go on to my parents' house. I knew I'd have to check with the owner, but when we got out Donald was gone. So, I pray that God will bring people along the way to help him. I'm thankful God gave us the opportunity to meet Donald and help him today. I'm thankful God is shifting my attention away from my own little circle of life and expanding it to a greater world of hurting, needy people around me.

Kids update.

Our boys have been in Florida. We're going to them tonight. I have missed them SOOO much. My heart hurts I want to see them SO bad. Sophie is in love with putting on lotion which is good b/c she and Abram have me and my dad's alligator skin, but seriously, you only need to put on so much lotion. She does a really good job, but isn't fond of me saying ENOUGH. Thanks for reading my ramblings. I really don't proof or edit much.

Cars, Vans, and Ears

Last night as I was lying in bed trying to sleep, I felt like God wanted me to share a story that I didn't blog about. In 2003, Curt's parents gave us their Ford Taurus. It was a great car. When they gave it to us we had one child. Two years later, we had a second child. Fast forward to 2009 and we had three children. The Taurus was trucking along, life was good, but we could not fit one more person in the car. We began praying that God would provide a bigger vehicle. We wanted more space and the ability to have a friend ride with us if need be.

I really began praying last July believing God had something for us. We weren't really shopping around b/c in a way I felt like God was just going to drive the vehicle up to our house one day. So, we continued on in the Taurus, and saved what money we could because we didn't want to have a car payment and be in debt. We planned on selling the taurus to help pay for the new vehicle. Fast forward to December of '09. One day I was driving down to serve pizza at a Christmas party for His Heart ministry. Love this ministry...you can check them out here. Anyway, I was pulling onto Interstate 55 and I clearly heard God say (in my head) that we should give our car to Andre. Andre was a youth that came to this ministry whom I had met briefly in November. He was just a few credits short from graduating, but didn't finish school. His family's home burned and God had orchestrated it that my friend Charla who serves in this ministry had contacted me and lots of people in our area had stepped up to help provide this family with furniture, clothes, money, etc. So, anyway I'm driving along and I thought yes, we should give this car to Andre. The only problem was we didn't have another vehicle. So, I go home that afternoon and tell Curt and Curt thinks it's a great idea.

The next day, Curt had to take his truck in to the shop. His friend that went to pick him up was telling him on the way home that he was about to put his grandmother's van on craigslist. She had passed away recently and they were trying to sell it. It only had 50,000 miles on it. It ended up his mom sold it to us for a price that we had mostly cash for, and the little we had left to pay she just let us pay off whenever we could with no interest. Ok, can you say God's provision. It was so neat. So, now we had a new vehicle and we knew we were suppose to give our car to Andre. I called my friends at the ministry wanting confirmation that this was what we were suppose to do. Honestly, they weren't sure. They said they had some college students that needed a car, but I never could get a peace about it. So, one day we drove down gave the car to Andre and told him that God had specifically told us to do this and that this car wasn't from us, it was from Him. Curt said Andre, every time you drive this car remember God loves you and wanted you to have this. He has plans for you. Curt then prayed over him and we left.

God taught us that day that when He speaks...we don't need to ask the opinion of others, because God didn't tell them, He told us. I talked to my friend the other day and she told me that Andre had just gotten his GED. He drove the car up to the ministry to show them because he was very proud. He is enrolling in a junior college in the fall. We're so thankful that God allowed us to be a small part in Andre's life and pray God's richest blessings on him.

Distraught....in a good way

I started this blog for mine and Curt's families to keep up with the silly day to day things that my children do. I rarely write on a serious note because that's not really what this blog is about. However, I just feel like writing about what I've been thinking, feeling.

For many months now I've felt distraught. I'm not sure when it started. Actually, for years off and on I've felt this way. I've had this feeling that there is more to this life and I'm missing it, but I get comfortable again and lose that awareness. I am a Christian, who believes in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I believe it has the power to save. I believe that Jesus has the power to change lives, to heal the sick, to mend the broken, but what does that look like in my life. I feel like I can go days living my "Christian life" without it influencing or making a difference in the life of any other. And if living my Christian life is all about me and how I'm doing internally or morally or with just my family is that really a life lived for Christ? What I've been feeling is just unrest.

I feel like I'm living a Christian life as best I know how, but that I'm completely missing it. If someone looked at our family and every other family in the world...what difference would they see? I hope they would see the fruit of the Spirit in our lives: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-Control. Although somedays we sure are lacking in some of those. What I've been struggling with is how even as Christians we can fall into living the "American Dream." We have nice homes, cars, do all the things our "World" offers, but is that really pleasing to the Lord? Is it ok to move around in America doing the same things as non-believers as long as we are Christians? In reading the teachings of Jesus I don't find mention of being comfortable, or secure, or really anything that the "American Dream" plans out. I don't know what this means and this is the frustrating part.

Curt is in full time ministry and loves where he works. We love where we live. I love where we serve, but I just don't feel like it's enough. I feel like we're too comfortable. In the recent months God has opened my eyes to all the orphans in the world. All the people who have so little and this is where I start struggling with wanting to sell everything and live in a tent. Curt has reassured me that if we lived in a tent we really wouldn't have any resources to help people. Not to mention God has given us three precious children to care for, so we'd need a big tent;-)

The thought I've been having over and over is getting to the end of life and meeting the Lord and Him saying you lived a Godly life, but you missed it. You lived this comfortable life surrounded by wealthy, healthy people when there was this whole other world of needy, hurting that you never touched. Curt and I love to serve, we love to help the needy, but in the grand scheme of things how much time/money do we really spend doing that. Not the majority of our time. So, I don't know. I'm seeking the Lord, begging Him to show me what this means. All I know is He is stirring in my heart. All I know is I've spent hours crying over children that need to feel loved. I've spent hours living vicariously through reading about people who are doing what I feel like i should be doing. He has given me resources from people to encourage me. Crazy Love by Francis Chan, The Radical Podcasts by David Platt. I'm starting The Hole in Our Gospel by the president of World Vision. All these seem to struggle with the same thing. He's also given me blogs of people that I think are "getting it right" for the gospel.

amazima.org

livesays

I'm tired of reading about those people, and ready to be one. If you are a believer, please pray for me. Pray that God will continue to break my heart for what breaks His. Continue to stir my heart and not let me turn back to my comfort.

Proverbs 24:11-12 (the message)

^11-12 Rescue the perishing;
don't hesitate to step in and help.
If you say, "Hey, that's none of my business,"
will that get you off the hook?
Someone is watching you closely, you know—
Someone not impressed with weak excuses.

Roe's 3rd Claymation Mario Vs. Koopa's shell